


Try to mend it but (I can't bend the truth)

by orphan_account



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Drinking, Drugs, F/F, F/M, It's gonna be a bumpy ride, Like, Other, just a lil, more TW in future chapters, read on ur own risk, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-06 22:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11045325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was a strange occurrence to her, she came to realize.In this universe where Clarke was hers and she was Clarkes, she felt loved and protected.And even if it was for the shortest moments or only a feeling she finally felt as if she belonged somewhere.Clarke, with her golden locks of blonde hair, Clarke with her quirky smile and kind eyes.And Lexa, who grew up jumping from family to family, and getting beat up by kids twice her age, being scared of accepting herself and being confused by the feeling of warmth in her core when she first saw Costia, is not used to this.It was a strange occurrence to her, she came to realize.Because even though for a moment she felt safe and loved, nothing good ever lasts for her she knew.Because Costia left her, and her parents left her, and now standing in front of the bedroom mirror, their bedroom mirror, messed up hair and mascara running down her face like the warpaint Anya used to paint on her when she scared and little, Clarke was leaving her too.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey!! Hope you all are feeling good. This is my first multi chapter work, and I think I'm gonna make about 15 chapters. Maybe more, maybe less. I have 2 written already so expect the next chapter up in a day or 2 :) I'm working on a Clexa Drabble/prompt series too so please hit me up at Tumblr @ eternaleclipseofthemoon thx thx thx

It was a strange occurrence to her, she came to realize.

In this universe where Clarke was hers and she was Clarkes, she felt loved and protected.

And even if it was for the shortest moments or only a feeling she finally felt as if she belonged somewhere.

Clarke, with her golden locks of blonde hair, Clarke with her quirky smile and kind eyes.

And Lexa, who grew up jumping from family to family, and getting beat up by kids twice her age, being scared of accepting herself and being confused by the feeling of warmth in her core when she first saw Costia, is not used to this.

Clarkes group of friends were all smiles and laughs telling her that it was okay, and that they were going to be there for her.

It was a strange occurrence to her, she came to realize.

Because even though for a moment she felt safe and loved, nothing good ever lasts for her she knew.

Because Costia left her, and her parents left her, and now standing in front of the bedroom mirror, their bedroom mirror, messed up hair and mascara running down her face like the warpaint Anya used to paint on her when she scared and little, Clarke was leaving her too.

 

Because she knows everything extraordinarily has its limits. And Clarke was extraordinary.

 

/////

 

She doesn't really know where she went wrong.  
And it's stuck on her mind but she just can't seem to figure out why Clarke would cheat on her.

Lexa walks along the dark alleyway and breathes out watching as her breath turn into clouds. Tears roll down her eyes but she tells herself to hold them in. 

She spots a car coming up behind her but doesn't pay it any mind. instead, she keeps walking and looking down. 

Suddenly the window is rolling down and she's not surprised to see Raven in the drivers seat looking at her with pity.

She met Raven for the first time in the system but as soon as she got to know her another family wanted her, and she was leaving hours later.  
Later on Lexa learned not to get too close to anyone, because even though everyone thought she was a cold hearted bitch, she wasn't.  
At least not deep inside.

“Get in, Lexa.”

She looks at her, and for a moment Raven seems shocked.  
She's seen that look in her eyes before.

“No.”

Raven sighs and fiddles the car keys before she's out of the car and beside a shuddering Lexa. She breathes out once before she looks at Lexa.

“Lexa, you-”

“No.”

“Lexa.”

“No.” 

Raven know it's hopeless because she was with her when costia left, and she knows it's going to be a tough road ahead, so she just nods and takes Lexas hand in her own. 

//////

 

“Would you Like a drink? Water? I think I have -”

“No.”

Raven looks at her from where she's standing in her kitchen, and bites her lip to hide her look of pity.  
Because Raven knows Lexa. She knows that Lexa needs time to process everything, so she sits down beside her on the couch, takes a long sip of cheap vodka she Acquired whilst at a party, and offers it to Lexa.

Raven watches as Lexa downs it all without a problem before she goes back to looking at the wall in front of her.

she internally panics, because this was how it started with costia, Raven knows.  
The empty stares and empty bottles, the countless times she's found Lexa passed out and drunk on her sofa in the middle of the night.

She shakes her head quietly before she's up again and grabbing her phone before dialing the number she's thought she never call.

 

//////

 

“Are you working today?”

Abby rubs her temple and sighs. Clarke called her at 5pm in the morning, and given it was her day off, she wanted to sleep in. That's not happening anymore.

“No honey, it's my day off. I told you that a couple of days ago. It's 5pm Clarke, What are you doing up?”

She hears some shuffling before Clarke speaks again and this time it's more soft. She could almost hear the crack in her voice.

“Can I come over? I just- I need to. Please?”

Abby is confused for a second but She answers immediately anyways. if Clarke needs her, she'll be there. But it wasn't always like that.

“Of course,” she says “just take it easy ok? I'll be waiting for you here sweetheart.”

Clarke mumbles out a muffled ‘thanks’ before the line goes dead.

Abby wonders what just happend, because her Clarke isn't like this. She doesn't make 5pm calls, and she most certainly doesn't want to come over anymore. 

//////

 

“How could you do this, mom?!” Her heart is beating fast in her chest but she ignores the pain as she continues,

“You had no right!” Clarke sobs, “No right!”

“Clarke-”

“No.” She looks at her mother with a look of disgust, and without thinking she opens her mouth again.

“I hate you. I'm leaving, don't look for me.”

Even though it's barely a sentence it hurts more than anything Abby Griffin has been through.

She feels numb as Clarke brushes past her in the hallway, and when she looks back, Clarke’s car is gone.

//////

Octavia knocks on the door for the fifth time, but again no one answers. 

“Raven?” She calls, but she's met with silence.

Octavia pulls down the handle and to her surprise it's open.  
She is confused at first, but comes to the conclusion that raven’s just at the store and forgot to lock. 

She grabs herself a glass of water before heading to couch and turning on the tv.

Suddenly there's a noise coming from the door and she's about to tell Raven to lock after herself, but when she sees Lexa standing in the doorway, She gasps.

The brunette says nothing as she walks in and lies down on the floor.

Octavia is beyond confused and shocked, because Lexa, Who left Clarke, and chose someone else before her, is now lying on the floor in her best friends apartment.

And she's pretty sure Lexa is high.

She haven't heard much about her past, but she has heard about the drugs.

Octavia watches as Raven comes shouting after her and the door shuts with a loud bang as she looks at Lexa.

She looks at Octavia with a quirk of her brow and the Blake girl quickly excuses herself and blurts out,  
“I was just gonna drop by to give you back the shoes I borrowed,” she lies, “I'm sorry, im- I'm gonna go.”

Raven nods and lets her leave after promising to call later. She sighs and looks at the girl on the floor, before grabbing a glass of water and sitting beside Lexa.

“Sit up, Cariño.”

Lexa doesn't sit up, instead she stares at the roof and says nothing. Raven leans against the wall and embraces one of her hands.  
The light squeeze she gets is confirmation enough that she's here at least. She's present and not like she used to be when she was with costia, barley here and numb. 

It's quiet for a while, they sit in her almost empty apartment and Raven thinks back to her old place. Homey and warm, and filled with life. But it's easier for her now, with college and all.

 

“I was gonna propose to her, you know.”

The statement takes Raven with surprise, but she smiles instead and gives another soft squeeze of her hand.

“You were? When?”

The second the words leave her mouth, she regrets it. If she thinks about it enough, she knows when.  
Hell, she even went ring shopping with Lexa, and helped her pick the ring. 

Raven quickly rushes out that she doesn't have to answer, but Lexa gives a soft nod and a sad smile before she breathes out.

“The ring was in my pocket and I couldn't stop thinking about it you know,” she swallows, “if it was the right one, was she going to say yes? No?.”

Raven nods quietly and gives a soft chuckle before she says, “Clarke loves you Lexa. Of course she would've said yes.”

Lexa nods and she seems to ponder it for a second before her voice echoes against the walls of the empty apartment,

“Yeah, was that before or after she fucked another guy?” She laughs bitterly, “because when I walked in and took out the ring, I heard moans. And you know, I didn't think about it at first. Tried to ignore it. I don't think they noticed me cause they kept going at it.”

Raven is about to stop her but Lexa isn't done.

“And then again maybe my fucked up brain didn't want to cope with the fact that yet another person I love was leaving me.” 

Silence follows after that, because Raven doesn't know what to say anymore. She has been through a lot with Lexa, but this. This is not what Raven expected to happen.

“Your brain isn't fucked up lexa.” She finally croaks out, and even though her voice breaks her face shows nothing but kindness.

“You sure? Because even though I knew she didn't want me anymore, and even- even though she fucked Finn in our bed on the day I was gonna propose, I couldn't hate her. I still can't”

She lets out a small chuckle and sighs.  
“I'm sorry Raven. I'm sorry for crashing your place, and I'm sorry for being such a fuck up. I really am.” When she's done, her eyes are full with tears and she's shaking. Raven gently gathers her in her arms and  
shushes her,

“Don't ever apologize Lexa, none of this is your fault.”

And even though its what everyone told her when costia left, (back then she was fourteen and barley understood the world she lived in, and of course she blamed herself.)  
she does belive for a moment, though, that maybe, maybe she isn't to blame for this. 

 

//////

She smiles to herself on her way to their apartment.  
The ring is safe and sound in her pocket, and the rose she's holding is a bit beat up but still beautiful, she thinks.

Lexa knows that this is what she wants. She has been planning it for over a year, and even told Abby.

The mother had taken it better than expected, considering they only are the young age of twenty two.

Nevertheless, here she is about to open the door. 

Her palms are sweaty and she knows it's because she's nervous but she usually doesn't get nervous. she figures it's normal, she is proposing to the love of her life.

She unlocks the door quietly, careful not to disturb the blonde. Clarke is working late hours a needs sleep she remembers, and shuts the door behind her.

“Clarke?” She calls but she is met with the silence of their apartment.  
She faintly hears a moan, but her mind barley registers it.  
she mentally prepares herself for what she's about to do, because this time it's going to be real. It's not like the flower she gave Clarke when she first met her, or the first time they made love and she promised Clarke that she would never leave her. She swallows the lump in her throat and ventures upstairs.

“Clarke?” She tries again, and this time there's a thud and a voice she doesn't recognize. She's confused, at first. Dozens of theories cross her mind but she hopes none of them is true. 

And when she opens the bedroom door, her whole world comes crashing down.

//////

 

Clarke tells her mother everything that day. Not the lies she told her friends when she was drunk and lonely, but the truth.

Her mother holds her for the first time in two years, and she lets herself cry.

//////

Everything is a blur and she can't really remember why she's on the floor.  
Except her head hurts like crazy, and There's blood on her face.

And she remembers Bellamy punching her and screaming and honestly she was too tired to even fight it. So here she is. She faintly hears Octavia and Raven arguing, and suddenly there's a hand on top of yours.

Raven gives a light squeeze and Lexa barley registers the door closing and the sound of ‘fuck you raven.’ Before she opens her eyes.

“Hey, Lex.” 

She tries to sit up but it hurts to much so she lands back down with a thud.

“What just happend?”  
She asks, and Raven sighs before she chuckles bitterly.

“Bellamy and Octavia came by. She wanted to let us know that they are done with us, and that they always knew we were bad for Clarke.” 

“Who punched me then?”

“That would have to be Bellamy.” She says,”he came in here and said that you cheated first and he just went crazy when you said you didn't. Don't worry though, you're ok.” 

Lexa just shrugs before looking up at the roof in silence.

Raven clears her throat, “you know I called your old psychiatrist.”

And immediately she sees the anger in Lexa eyes.

“You did what?”

//////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I noticed first now that there were supposed to be italics in the chapter for flashbacks but they disappeared?????? Idk?? So like I think you can guess/see which things are flashbacks but I can't put in italics???


	2. A/N IMPORTANT

Hey again :) I just wanna add a quick thing.  
This is Clexa endgame.  
It will be a tough road ahead.  
You don't have to read it if you don't want.

But I put time and effort into this, and I checked the comments hoping for something positive, but instead I get hate?   
"This is disgusting." And "delete this shit." and "gross."

Look if y'all don't like angst don't read it's that simple.  
I'm not gonna quit writing tho cause I won't let a hater push me down but it's still annoying af.

Thanks for reading lovelies <333


	3. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit shorter, but still hope you all enjoy :)  
> Ps: anyone wanna be my beta? I would be forever grateful:)

The tea feels hot around her hands and she holds it tight.

Clarke griffin hasn't been in her mothers house since two years ago. It creeps up on her silently, the realization.

The pictures of her dad on the walls haunt her, and she doesn't notice her mother sitting next to her at the kitchen table.

“Why are you here, Clarke?”

She scoffs and looks at her mother,  
“What? I'm not allowed to- to visit my mother?”

Abby gives her a glare.  
“Of course but you haven't been here for over two years Clarke. And suddenly you call at 5pm on a Saturday? And ask to come over? Clarke do yo even-”

“I cheated on her, mom.”

The room seems to still, the only sound heard is the cat silently eating his food in the corner of the kitchen.  
Tiger seems to notice the silence because he walks away from the bowl and starts purring with delight.

“You what?”

Clarke looks up at her mom. With tears in her eyes she takes a shaky breath,

“I cheated on Lexa.”

Abby looks at her, and Clarke is scared. because for a moment she can't quite read her mothers face. Abby looks at her, and the words that leaves her mothers mouth has her head spinning.

“I don't know what to say to you Clarke. Lexa loves you, I know she does, and I know you were going through a rough time but-”

“Wait a minute. How do you know that?” Clarke glares at her mother, because she sure as hell has not told Abby that.

“Lexa told me. She also told me that you were drinking again and going to parties, and working late,” Abby sighs, “you need to talk to someone Clarke.”

Her eyes flash with anger for a short moment but before she says anything, she's out of the house in an instant. 

Abby stares at the picture of her husband, wondering where she went wrong. 

//////

“How you feeling?” 

Her stomach aches and her head aches but she clenches her jaw and gives Raven a sad smile.

“Okay, considering the circumstances.”

Raven looks at her, and she's about to say something when her phone rings.

“Sorry,” she excuses herself, “i need to take this.”

Lexa nods and goes back to staring at the wall.  
She can catch some words of what Raven is talking about, but one in particular gets her attention.

“Yeah, I know aurora. I know. I will I promise, I'll call you later ok? bye.”

And when Raven gets back, Lexa is gone and so is her duffel bag.

//////

“Hey, this is dr. Griffin speaking-”

“Abby it's me, it- its an emergency.

“Raven?”

“Lexa’s gone.”

//////

 

“Lexa?”

In front of her stands Lexa, her hair wet from the rain, and her mind somewhere else.

Lexa looks at her and for a moment Clarke thinks that she's about to lash out, but she doesn't. Instead she takes a deep breath, and clenches her jaw. Clarke knows she's trying hard not to be angry, because she knows Lexa. She knows her tells.

“I'm leaving.”

The statement takes Clarke with surprise, because never in her life, has Lexa decided to just ‘leave’.  
Lexa does not do spontaneous things. She plans long ahead and hates surprises. She cocks her head to the side and is about to speak, but Lexa stops her.

“I just thought I'd let you know. Don't look for me, I'll be gone for a while.” Her voice sounds numb and empty, and in a second she's gone.  
Clarkes head spins even more.

//////

“Where is she?!”

“I don't know Raven! I- I don't know! Ok?”

Raven groans and looks at her with nothing but hatred in her eyes.

“You did this.” Clarke freezes, but she knows what's coming.

“You did this to her. You cheated on her. Why did you lie huh?! Bellamy came over yesterday and hit her in the face cause according to him, she cheated on you. I know she didn't.” Raven shakes her head and laughs bitterly.

“She was gonna propose to you. She bought the ring and everything. I was with her even. And then she gets home and your in bed with a guy? And not even a random guy. Clarke you cheated on Lexa with finn! Does that not make you feel bad at all?!”

“Of course I do!” She spits, “every. Single. Day. I feel bad!”

Raven looks at her with pity, before sighing.  
“Yeah well that's on you. Look Clarke, I know that we used to be best friends and all, but I really don't want you to contact me anymore. Don't call, don't text. Just don't. You're not the Clarke I used to know. And I don't want anything to do with you.”

Clarke stands in her living room for what feels like hours. Raven left long ago and still, Clarke feels numb.

//////

“Name?” 

“Alexandria Woods.”

“Age?”

“Twenty two.”

“Welcome to the marine corps armed forces of the United States.”

//////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know shit about the us army and such so all my facts are from google :) send me some prompts on Tumblr @ eternaleclipseofthemoon  
> Thx for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I would love ur feed back here or at my tumblr @ eternaleclipseofthemoon  
> I'm currently working on a Clexa prompt/Drabble work so I would love some prompts!


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